It almost fit perfectly, so Zuko folded his arms and snapped his eyes open. He ran his fingers across the rough flesh, pressed his palm lightly to it. The burn had led to him losing some of the sensation on his skin. He could feel the tightness around the edges and around his eye, the way the scar tissue was damaged and had lost its elasticity, but often, if he ghosted his fingers across the surface, he felt nothing. It didn't hurt now, but the sensation was different.
#A firelords blessing skin
He screwed his eyes shut, focusing on how his scar tightened, how the skin stretched. He wondered what would have happened if he'd been wiser as a child, if he'd accepted his place, if he'd stayed out of that war meeting.
If they treated him like he should be mature, like he shouldn't get into trouble or speak out of turn, whilst also treating him like a child and leaving him out of everything, then he felt like maybe if he acted grown up they'd treat him better for it. It was absurd, of course, but kid Zuko didn't care. He remembers the odd feeling that sitting by the turtleduck pond made him an adult, because kids ran around and played tag whilst adults sat around and drank tea. Of course, he used to think he was grown, mature, but he was just a kid forced to grow up too fast. He'd been so small when he used to come here often. It felt melancholy knowing his mother wouldn't be joining him, but she could, one day. And it felt eerie knowing that when he chose to leave, he wouldn't be desperate for his father's affection, now knowing how cruel Ozai would be, especially when Zuko was late to dinner. She wouldn't be coming to throw bread at the chicks, or push Zuko in when she told him that he was safe and she wouldn't. It felt eerie, being here with the knowledge that as soon as Azula came the turtleducks would flee usually, but Azula wouldn't be coming. The turtleducklings had all grown in the three years he was away, and now new ducklings swam around, hesitant to swim too close to him. It took him a while to remind himself that when he left the pond, his father wouldn't be waiting for him. Returning to the turtleduck pond held a painful nostalgia, a deepest rising anxiety telling him to run, that it wasn't safe here. In a way, when Uncle Iroh and his mom wasn't around, it felt like the turtleducks were the only ones who listened to him. Zuko would talk to them, sometimes vent to them, and they'd sometimes quack as though they were answering. It took a while before they stayed as long as they used to. Every time he lightly threw the bread into the water, they'd scatter and swim away until he left. When he came back, they were scared of him. He felt guilty about it for weeks, stopped visiting. Azula would feed them by throwing the food at them, so Zuko tried to copy, and that had gotten Zuko bitten and chastised. He'd try to feed them bread from his palm, but they wouldn't come up to him at first. And he'd watch the turtleducks swim for hours, would come back as often as he could, watch as the chicks grew up.
It was tranquil, open air, a little escape where he felt hidden away. The turtleduck pond was a reason to stay, in the times he couldn't convince himself of any other reason. Every time he gathered the strength to walk away, he missed the good times, missed the rare glimpses of a happy childhood, and he was sucked right back in. It was hard to look at the positives without remembering how desperately he'd clung to them, to the point that they pulled him closer to his family. Sure, he had lots of great childhood memories of the turtleduck pond, but the more time he spent travelling with the avatar- and the more he'd seen Sokka and Katara with their dad, with each other, the way Toph's parents, whilst restricting, seemed to care about their daughter's wellbeing- the more any positive memories burned to gold and crumbled away. Tw: references to canon childhood abuse (burning)įor a while, Zuko had been unable to come here. My father decided to teach me a permanent lesson on my face! Event 01: get to know the members ➢ favorite character: Zukoīad skin? Normal teenagers worry about bad skin.
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